Derwin Dubose

Win Them Over: Generation Y Can Overcome Age Discrimination with Emotional Intelligence

// June 17th, 2008 // 4 Comments » // Blog, Career, Columns, Education

Ageism is something most — if not all — twenty-somethings will have to confront as we build our careers. Often, we’re the youngest people in our organizations, and every now and then we’re confronted with overt displays of ageism. How we respond is critical.

My advice: Nip overt ageism in the bud. Make it clear that you won’t tolerate blatant disrespect and that you expect to work professionally and equally. Otherwise, the problem behavior will continue and you’ll never gain respect within the organization. The key to this is choosing the right approach, though.

Sometimes you have to kill them with kindness. During the second week of my first political job — consulting a state-wide organization while doing constituency organizing — a 70-year-old activist walked up to me during an important meeting and yelled, “Who in the hell hired this kid?”

I wanted to tell the lady where to shove it, but she’d become one of the most vocal activists in the state over a 40-year career.

I bit my tongue and said, “Maam, I didn’t hire myself, so you’ll have to take that issue up with people far higher on the totem pole.” It created a laugh in the room, and I continued by saying, “There’s no changing the fact that we have to work together, so I ask that you do me a big favor and share your wealth of knowledge with me so we can both be successful.”

Her mood changed drastically and the meeting moved forward without incident. After the meeting, I got several comments for handling her outburst, and I was able to talk with her one-on-one and convince her to start getting lunch with me regularly.

So when you’re faced with ageism from someone with authority and respect within your organization and whom you have to work alongside, you might have to consider the nice route by:
- Being humble and as nice as you can
- Showing respect for their age and experience
- Asking them to mentor you (realizing you don’t have to take their advice)

Basically, you want to make the potential adversary feel like they are a partner in your success.

Other times, you have to show authority. I worked full-time through undergrad, and in one of my jobs, I managed a housing complex near the university. Part of my responsibility was managing 100 tenants, 12 staff, and our relationship with a food service and janitorial company.

Within three months of my job, my main contact with the food service company — a 50-year-old guy with over 30 years experience in the field — began going over my head when he disagreed with my decisions, saying “Young guys don’t get it.” Luckily, my bosses didn’t micromanage, but I knew I had to stop this pattern quickly.

I called the guy into my office for a one-on-one meeting and began it by saying, “Look, I may be young, but I’m not a fool. I respect you, but I sign your check and I should hear your concerns directly instead of from my supervisors. Please don’t go above my head again, or we’ll have issues. I would hate to see you lose this account due to insubordination.”

It was extremely difficult for me to be so stern (I’m usually a happy go lucky guy), but it was necessary. He stopped going over my head and brought concerns directly to me, which made it much easier to be effective in the job.

So when you’re faced with overt ageism from a direct report, consider showing authority by:
- Having one-on-one conversations
- Being direct and authoritative
- Showing respect for their age and experience, while asking for the same
- Clarifying roles and responsibilities
- Indicating potential outcomes if problem behavior doesn’t change

Basically, you want to make the potential adversary feel like you are a partner in their success.

These are two methods that have helped me deal with overt ageism. Stay tuned for strategies to deal with inconspicuous — but still troublesome — examples of ageism in the workplace.

Fast Company says my boss is like a monkey, a dog… maybe even a steer

// April 23rd, 2008 // 1 Comment » // Blog, Career

Quick post, but my friend Kerra told me to pick up the current Fast Company magazine, which features a great article on how we can manage our bosses to get the desired working relationship.

Bosses are tough. I’ve worked for yellers, bullies, silent types, huggers, mentors, and complete goof-offs. Right now, I now face the extraordinary rewards and challenges — mostly rewards, in case Dan is reading (haha) — of working for one of my best friends. No matter how great the boss, though, we’ve all been in situations where we’re not entirely happy with how our boss treats us and wish we could change it.

According to Fast Company, we can change our boss’ behavior by doing one thing: treat them like animals.

Dan and Chip Heath propose that we use the techniques of exotic animal trainers to manage our bosses and create the work environment we need. They suggest that we ignore bad behavior, reward good behavior, and stay consistent.

It makes sense to me. I don’t have any experience with exotic animals, but I grew up with pets (three dogs, a flock of ducks, a cockatoo, rabbit, cat, and even a show steer — yes a cow), and the techniques they recommend were the only way we could get the animals to do anything.

At work, it makes sense especially because many of the supervisors we encounter are continually learning how to manage and lead while facing pressure and deadlines from their bosses. We have to make sure their learning process includes how to deal with us in order to keep us happy and get top results.

So the next time my boss does something I don’t like, I’ll try to think of him like Mooey, my old show steer. By ignoring bad behavior, rewarding the good, and staying consistent, it should work. But be careful, even the most carefully trained animals can unexpectedly cause serious harm.