Derwin Dubose

Win Them Over: Generation Y Can Overcome Age Discrimination with Emotional Intelligence

// June 17th, 2008 // 4 Comments » // Blog, Career, Columns, Education

Ageism is something most — if not all — twenty-somethings will have to confront as we build our careers. Often, we’re the youngest people in our organizations, and every now and then we’re confronted with overt displays of ageism. How we respond is critical.

My advice: Nip overt ageism in the bud. Make it clear that you won’t tolerate blatant disrespect and that you expect to work professionally and equally. Otherwise, the problem behavior will continue and you’ll never gain respect within the organization. The key to this is choosing the right approach, though.

Sometimes you have to kill them with kindness. During the second week of my first political job — consulting a state-wide organization while doing constituency organizing — a 70-year-old activist walked up to me during an important meeting and yelled, “Who in the hell hired this kid?”

I wanted to tell the lady where to shove it, but she’d become one of the most vocal activists in the state over a 40-year career.

I bit my tongue and said, “Maam, I didn’t hire myself, so you’ll have to take that issue up with people far higher on the totem pole.” It created a laugh in the room, and I continued by saying, “There’s no changing the fact that we have to work together, so I ask that you do me a big favor and share your wealth of knowledge with me so we can both be successful.”

Her mood changed drastically and the meeting moved forward without incident. After the meeting, I got several comments for handling her outburst, and I was able to talk with her one-on-one and convince her to start getting lunch with me regularly.

So when you’re faced with ageism from someone with authority and respect within your organization and whom you have to work alongside, you might have to consider the nice route by:
- Being humble and as nice as you can
- Showing respect for their age and experience
- Asking them to mentor you (realizing you don’t have to take their advice)

Basically, you want to make the potential adversary feel like they are a partner in your success.

Other times, you have to show authority. I worked full-time through undergrad, and in one of my jobs, I managed a housing complex near the university. Part of my responsibility was managing 100 tenants, 12 staff, and our relationship with a food service and janitorial company.

Within three months of my job, my main contact with the food service company — a 50-year-old guy with over 30 years experience in the field — began going over my head when he disagreed with my decisions, saying “Young guys don’t get it.” Luckily, my bosses didn’t micromanage, but I knew I had to stop this pattern quickly.

I called the guy into my office for a one-on-one meeting and began it by saying, “Look, I may be young, but I’m not a fool. I respect you, but I sign your check and I should hear your concerns directly instead of from my supervisors. Please don’t go above my head again, or we’ll have issues. I would hate to see you lose this account due to insubordination.”

It was extremely difficult for me to be so stern (I’m usually a happy go lucky guy), but it was necessary. He stopped going over my head and brought concerns directly to me, which made it much easier to be effective in the job.

So when you’re faced with overt ageism from a direct report, consider showing authority by:
- Having one-on-one conversations
- Being direct and authoritative
- Showing respect for their age and experience, while asking for the same
- Clarifying roles and responsibilities
- Indicating potential outcomes if problem behavior doesn’t change

Basically, you want to make the potential adversary feel like you are a partner in their success.

These are two methods that have helped me deal with overt ageism. Stay tuned for strategies to deal with inconspicuous — but still troublesome — examples of ageism in the workplace.

Beware of workplace bullies, especially if you’re a twenty-something

// March 26th, 2008 // 2 Comments » // Blog, Career

An article and blog post in yesterday’s NY Times health section brought up a topic that hit close to home: workplace bullying.

Young professionals should be very aware of these workplace problems because our age and eagerness can make us easy targets, and 37 percent of American workers have reported being bullied. I incurred the wrath of a bully for seven months in a previous job, and it took an extreme emotional toll.

Although it was a difficult time for me, I think I handled the situation well, and I’ll offer some tips on dealing with a workplace bully through telling my story. I was hired to work for a large organization, and three other staffers and I were placed under the immediate supervision of a difficult person.

Recognize the early warning signs. On my first day, my supervisor criticized the CEO for hiring me because of my age – “I don’t know why they hired an over-glorified intern who doesn’t know anything,” she said – and made a highly racist remark about me and my family. I knew then that a long battle was ahead. Within the first month, the supervisor demanded total control of my schedule and workload and took credit for all of my work.

Document inappropriate behavior. When I first went to complain to the HR department, it was dismissed as a personality conflict, and as a young professional, I was told that I “had to learn to get along with different people and respect my supervisor.”

Simply put, they didn’t believe me because I was young, and I learned that I had to provide proof of the problem. I began to keep a special “crazy” journal – locked away in a hidden folder on my jump drive – that detailed line-crossing behavior by the bully. It grew to five single-spaced pages.

Stay cool. No matter what my bullying supervisor said, I stayed calm and refused to raise my voice. I would disagree and express my objection to personal and inappropriate attacks, but I almost always did it calmly, regardless of her bellicose nature. I knew that if I stooped to her level, I ran the risk of being protrayed as the young trouble-maker in the office, helping her plan.

Find mentors in the organization. As Penelope Trunk says, mentors are important. I began to reach out to the CEO, CFO and other senior staffers, asking them to get lunch with me periodically and give me advice on how to be successful in my job. I was never negative about the bullying supervisor, but I shared the progress on my projects and clients. They soon began to understand my workload and contribution to the organization, and we developed relationships and trust.

Stand up for yourself. The attacks from the bully continued. For a while, I internalized it all, taking a toll on my home life. That changed one day when the bully belligerently yelled at me in front of other staffers. It was a deeply personal tirade that included some racist words, fingers in my face, chasing me down a hallway, job threats, and the parting words “you sorry SOB.” The embarrassment of being berated in front of colleagues in such a manner was the last straw.

The next day, I filed a hostile work environment complaint, gave the CEO a copy of my “crazy” journal, and said that I was prepared to leave the organization if the inappropriate behavior continued. The CEO realized that it was a grave situation and the documentation made it real. My job structure was changed so that I reported directly to the CEO and the supervisor was put on probation. The documentation and mentoring paid off because I stood up for myself.

Find allies among your coworkers. I made a point of building relationship with my other coworkers, who defended me against the bully’s gossip and talked favorably about me to the senior staff. Finding allies also uncovered fellow victims. One of the other twenty-somethings who reported to the bully finally confessed that she was the victim of similar attacks.

Do a good job. I knew that professional failures would only give the bully substantive fodder to attack. Once the senior staff knew what I was working on and once I reported directly to the CEO, I began to excel in the job. In fact, one of my clients presented me with an award at their annual gala. Plus, I got a glowing performance review from the senior staff.

The bully didn’t fare as well. The mounting complaints and lack of performance gave the senior staff no choice but to fire her seven months after her start date.

Consider finding a better situation. I outlasted the bully and enjoyed a lot of success after steps were taken to alleviate the situation. However, things don’t change for all people. If you’re stuck in a similar situation and things don’t change after frequent tactics or complaints, you should definitely consider looking for a better opportunity.

There’s plenty of stuff on the net about workplace bullying that can be found by simply using Google, but be sure the check out this report from the State of Washington and another from Pepperdine University.