Win Them Over: Generation Y Can Overcome Age Discrimination with Emotional Intelligence

Ageism is something most — if not all — twenty-somethings will have to confront as we build our careers. Often, we’re the youngest people in our organizations, and every now and then we’re confronted with overt displays of ageism. How we respond is critical.

My advice: Nip overt ageism in the bud. Make it clear that you won’t tolerate blatant disrespect and that you expect to work professionally and equally. Otherwise, the problem behavior will continue and you’ll never gain respect within the organization. The key to this is choosing the right approach, though.

Sometimes you have to kill them with kindness. During the second week of my first political job — consulting a state-wide organization while doing constituency organizing — a 70-year-old activist walked up to me during an important meeting and yelled, “Who in the hell hired this kid?”

I wanted to tell the lady where to shove it, but she’d become one of the most vocal activists in the state over a 40-year career.

I bit my tongue and said, “Maam, I didn’t hire myself, so you’ll have to take that issue up with people far higher on the totem pole.” It created a laugh in the room, and I continued by saying, “There’s no changing the fact that we have to work together, so I ask that you do me a big favor and share your wealth of knowledge with me so we can both be successful.”

Her mood changed drastically and the meeting moved forward without incident. After the meeting, I got several comments for handling her outburst, and I was able to talk with her one-on-one and convince her to start getting lunch with me regularly.

So when you’re faced with ageism from someone with authority and respect within your organization and whom you have to work alongside, you might have to consider the nice route by:
- Being humble and as nice as you can
- Showing respect for their age and experience
- Asking them to mentor you (realizing you don’t have to take their advice)

Basically, you want to make the potential adversary feel like they are a partner in your success.

Other times, you have to show authority. I worked full-time through undergrad, and in one of my jobs, I managed a housing complex near the university. Part of my responsibility was managing 100 tenants, 12 staff, and our relationship with a food service and janitorial company.

Within three months of my job, my main contact with the food service company — a 50-year-old guy with over 30 years experience in the field — began going over my head when he disagreed with my decisions, saying “Young guys don’t get it.” Luckily, my bosses didn’t micromanage, but I knew I had to stop this pattern quickly.

I called the guy into my office for a one-on-one meeting and began it by saying, “Look, I may be young, but I’m not a fool. I respect you, but I sign your check and I should hear your concerns directly instead of from my supervisors. Please don’t go above my head again, or we’ll have issues. I would hate to see you lose this account due to insubordination.”

It was extremely difficult for me to be so stern (I’m usually a happy go lucky guy), but it was necessary. He stopped going over my head and brought concerns directly to me, which made it much easier to be effective in the job.

So when you’re faced with overt ageism from a direct report, consider showing authority by:
- Having one-on-one conversations
- Being direct and authoritative
- Showing respect for their age and experience, while asking for the same
- Clarifying roles and responsibilities
- Indicating potential outcomes if problem behavior doesn’t change

Basically, you want to make the potential adversary feel like you are a partner in their success.

These are two methods that have helped me deal with overt ageism. Stay tuned for strategies to deal with inconspicuous — but still troublesome — examples of ageism in the workplace.

June 17, 2008 | Filed Under Blog, Career, Columns, Education

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How non-profits can attract young board members

The non-profit sector is providing a remarkable opportunity for twenty-somethings in all walks of life. Most non-profit leaders, especially board members, are retiring soon, leaving a void that we should step up and fill.

I’ve written before that twenty-somethings should extend their volunteer roles to include executive-level volunteering such as joining boards and committees for non-profit organizations. However, organizations have to provide key things if they want to attract young people to help lead them:

A sense of purpose. Good board members want to connect with a noble cause and “give back” to the community. They want to connect with a defined mission that helps someone else. For the Ronald McDonald House of Durham, where I work, it’s helping critically ill children and their families. For Traction, the organization whose board I’m on, it’s getting more 20 and 30-somethings involved in civic life.

Clarity. Recruiting board members should be taken as seriously as hiring new staff. With many organizations, people are simply asked to “join the board” without details on what they will be expected to do. Instead, potential board members should be given a clear, concise job description that outlines roles, responsibilities, or expectations.

Accountability. Good board members need to be managed effectively and held accountable for their performance. Staff at non-profits should regularly touch base with all board members, make sure they are engaged, and help them accomplish their goals for the organization. And if they aren’t, you should ass them to “piss or get off the pot.” Good board members will want their colleagues to be held accountable as well — no one wants to pull a disproportionate amount of weight.

Technology and social networking. Keeping millennial board members engaged will require thinking outside of the box for decision-making and communication. In-person meetings will always be necessary for some things, but organizations should start using conference calls, voice over IP, online document collaboration, chats, and social networking groups that can allow busy people to contribute outside of boring meetings.

Benefit to them. The best board members will stay with organizations because there is a personal and professional benefit to their involvement. Organizations should provide opportunities for networking, professional development, skills extension, fun and other benefits to board members.

A sense of accomplishment. Board members need to see the fruits of their labor. Organizations should set SMART goals (smart, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely) and involve board members in accomplishing them. Giving them specific tasks, creating an action-oriented culture, sharing the organization’s success will surely keep great board members around — as opposed to many groups, whose boards do little other than sitting around and talking about what should be done.

Organizations that don’t provide these things for board members will lose severely. Board members could feel unchallenged, unneeded, or like they’re spinning their wheels. And given how busy talented millennials are, they’ll likely move their time toward structured activities and organizations.

The smartest organizations will use these tactics now to ensure sustained participation and leadership from the best and the brightest our generation has to offer.

May 19, 2008 | Filed Under Blog, Non-Profits

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Balling on a Budget: The challenges of buying your first home

House Yesterday, I ran into two very cool twenty-somethings, legal employees who are looking to buy their first homes in my neighborhood. We spent over an hour talking about the home-buying process, the rewards of home ownership, and the unique challenges of home ownership that most renters may not be prepared for.

I spent a blog post explaining why twenty-somethings should buy homes now, but there are a few challenges that you must take care of during the process:

You need to understand the home buying process. Purchasing your first home can be a confusing, intimidating process. Before getting started, make sure you understand the real estate process, lest you fall prey to rogue real estate agents, predatory lenders, and botched deals.

Although there are many helpful vendors out there, don’t depend completely on the people who are selling you a product to give you objective information. I know several people who lost thousands because they didn’t fully understand the process.

There’s plenty of information out there to give you a good overview of the process and some tips. Check out HUD, About.com, Kiplinger, and Smart Money to get started.

You need good credit. Each twenty-something should check his or her credit report three times each year using the free credit reporting systems online. You get one free report per year from the three reporting bureaus, and your credit score — aka FICO score — is the key to getting a good interest rate. Not only will you have a better picture of your financial health, but you will also catch identity theft.

If you have credit problems — such as late payments, credit limits to the max, or even lack of credit — you can talk to credit counselors and loan officers to get input on strategies that will improve your credit score and make you more attractive to lenders. Having a few problems on your credit doesn’t automatically disqualify you, though. I was a little irresponsible with a department store credit card I got when I was a freshman in college, but using strategies from credit counselors made everything even out.

You need savings. I encourage everyone to look for those home ownership programs that will help you with a down payment and closing costs. I got over $40,000 from state and federal sources that are often overlooked.

However, there is a significant investment required. I put a little over $1000 down to qualify for the home ownership programs, and as part of your initial offer to purchase a home, you need to put some money down as “earnest money.” Also, I had to purchase a refrigerator, washer, dryer, kitchen items, and furniture, which are important but should not be the source of more credit card debt. I saved and saved beforehand until I could pay cash for most of these items.

You need to continue saving. If there’s a problem at your house, it’s your responsibility to fix it. Pipes burst? You call the plumber. AC or heat not working? You call the technician. I think you get the idea: there’s no more landlord to call in order to take care of household repairs.

If you purchase a home, you need to save at least 1% of the home’s value each year and devote it solely to a home maintenance fund for emergencies. Purchase a home warranty that will cover repairs during your first year or more — my contractor has fixed small things for me at no charge because of my warranty.

And if you have a homeowners association (HOA), figure out what repairs they cover. My HOA costs a pretty penny (over $100 each month), but they take complete care of my lawn and garden area, exterior water and sewage problems, and exterior painting.

You need to stay on top of things. The home buying process takes a lot of paperwork and people management. Make multiple copies of your tax returns, pay stubs, and loan applications, and keep them in a safe place. Turn in applications and forms in person, if possible. Follow up with all of the people you meet in the process and make sure your real estate agent, loan officer, and attorney keep their promises.

Finally, you need patience. Finding the right home, real estate agent, and loan package can be an arduous journey. Doing it right means conducting careful research, talking with many people, taking time from work, filling out countless forms, and waiting on things to be approved. In fact, it took me a few weeks shy of a year from thinking “Hey, I want to buy a house!” to my closing date. Many people give up because of the time involved, but patience will definitely pay off.

Again, I recommend that twenty-somethings purchase homes if they’re planning on staying put for the next 3-5 years. The time is now to take advantage of the nation’s housing situation. Home ownership is deeply rewarding, but be ready for the challenges that lie ahead.

May 15, 2008 | Filed Under Balling on a Budget, Blog

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Things I learned from a career in politics

Twenty-somethings are engaged in politics like never before. Online communications, social networking tools and the general buzz around the this year’s elections have made us more socially conscious and politically active than ever. The zeitgeist has no doubt made countless twenty-somethings consider making political work their career, but twenty-somethings should apply some serious thought before deciding to work in politics.

The excitement around 2006 led me to take a political job. I spent two years working in North Carolina’s political realm, doing grassroots organizing (canvassing, phone banks, training, and voter outreach) and fundraising and campaign finance consulting. I worked with state-wide organizations, groups in all 100 North Carolina counties, 10 political committees, and over 85 candidates.

But late last year, I decided to shift careers and go back to non-profit fundraising, and I want to present the logic I used to make that decision. In two posts, I want to look at the plusses and the minuses of a career in politics.

Let’s start with the positives — things I gained from being a political staffer:

A “tenacity in pursuit” work ethic. Campaigns are time-driven machines that require careful planning, prioritization of tasks and quick execution. Good political staffers have to be fast, focused, flexible and ready to respond to anything while under all kinds of stress, and those skills have tremendously helped me in the “real world” workplace.

Management skills. A campaign’s success is driven by the staff’s ability to get volunteers, surrogates, consultants and candidates to perform key tasks — even when it’s pure grunt work or something the person does NOT want to do. These skills give former political workers an edge on managing employees, clients, donors, and volunteers.

Cool travel and even and phenomenal networking. I put well over 35,000 miles on my car in two years and it was worth every dollar I spent in gas. I got to drive all around North Carolina, meeting great people from all walks of life — voters, local leaders, candidates at all levels, elected officials, activists, political consultants and state-wide leaders. I was able to build relationships that I still keep today, find several mentors, and learn more about the state I now call home.

Workplace research and strategy skills. No matter the specific role, political staffers have to conduct careful, intense research on your candidate, opposition, and electorate before launching the campaign. The research makes sure you’re looking at all angles to find strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats before charting a course. It’s very valuable for me in my current job as we create new fundraising programs.

Technological skills. At every level of modern campaigns, staffers have to daily use technology for data and volunteer management, voter contact, fundraising, and polling, to name a few things. I’d taken some great computer classes in college, but political work refined my web, database, and Microsoft Office skills.

Being inside of the news. Once you work in politics, you can never read the news in the same way. It’s pretty cool to pick up a newspaper and read things that you knew days prior to the press finding out. It’s cooler to read a politician’s statement and know the staffer who actually wrote it. It’s coolest when you wrote a statement yourself or were directly involved in something that made the news.

Impressing people after you move on. People, especially donors, seem to be impressed by my political past — far more than when I actually worked in politics, to be honest. It is the launching point for many conversations in social and work situations, and the skills I gained from working in politics undoubtedly helped me land the job I currently have and will continue to help in future job searches.

And finally, stargazing. When I was in politics, I regularly ran into political celebrities — congressmen, state-wide elected officials, journalists, and pundits. Less often, but still exciting, I’d run into national people like Howard Dean and governors of other states. Just by volunteering last week, I saw both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama speak and was about 20 feet from BO. Exciting stuff.

The key, though, is to not simply stargaze; meeting these political celebrities provide great networking opportunities. I’d dare say that few of them know me from Adam — they meet thousands upon thousands of people — but I’ve taken the opportunity to network with their staffers, who’ve helped me get access to the celebrities when I’ve needed them and given me great advice.

And I’d be remiss not to mention how fun it was to run into political celebrities I’m not particularly fond of like Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Kwame Kilpatrick, Mike Nifong, and even Star Jones. These are not my favorite people, but my encounters with them provide great content for random conversations, especially at parties.

These are the positive things that came out of my stint in politics. Stay tuned for a post looking at the negatives before deciding a career in politics is for you.

May 5, 2008 | Filed Under Blog, Career

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Balling on a Budget: Five reasons twenty-somethings should buy a home now

I’ll be starting a new category today called “Balling on a Budget,” which will present ways we twenty-somethings can maximize our money and save for the future while still living our fabulous lifestyles.

It’s time for a celebration! I am about six weeks away from my first anniversary as a homeowner. At the same time, my best friend Josh, who is 23, is preparing to close on his first home down in South Carolina. I encourage twenty-somethings in small to medium cities to take a hard look at buying a home. Here are some things that might convince you to buy:

Buying a home saves you money long-term. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I had no parental support during or after college, so I’ve had to earn and save every dime to my name. Before I bought my townhome, I was splitting $1500 each month in rent with two college friends, which is pretty fair for our area.

My monthly payment including mortgage, taxes, insurance, and homeowners association dues ends up being half of my old rent. It’s a phenomenal savings, and I know that every payment I make adds to home equity. Instead of losing money each month to magically poof into the pockets of a developer, I’m paying myself. It’ll definitely pay off when I’m ready to sell.

There’s free money out there. National and state initiatives provide down-payment assistance to first-time home buyers who make less than the median income in their areas, which applies to most young non-profit professionals. The best part is that the process is pretty objective — if you qualify, you get the money — and few people take advantage of the programs.

Through programs with the City of Durham and the North Carolina Housing Finance Agency, I got about $45,000 in down payment help and my closing costs covered by public sources. I only had to put $750 down and attend classes for first-time home owners.

And the income requirement is based upon your income at the time of your loan application. If you get a raise or a better job after you’re in the house, nothing changes.

Check out the HUD website to find information on first-time homebuyer programs in your state. The site will lead you to the free money and tell you about free programs to counsel you out of bad credit or to walk you through the entire home-buying process.

The time is right (if you have a few years). It’s a buyer’s market, and we should take advantage of the housing bust’s falling interest rates and prices. There are opportunities for us to get great real estate at phenomenal prices. It will take a time investment, though, but not a long-term one.

Of course “long-term” is subjective, but many people erroneously think buying a house during the housing crisis locks you into a 30-year commitment. Don’t plan on buying a house and flipping it next year or the year after, but if you think you’ll be in an area for 3-5 years, it could be worth it to buy. Some folks disagree, but I definitely think the time is right.

Roommates can pad your budget and help you save. If you buy a house with multiple bedrooms, renting them out to other twenty-somethings or college students could give your budget just enough of a boost to save tremendously. Instead of paying a real estate developer for rent, you’re now the landlord.

And finally, buying a home gives you the opportunity to express yourself. I hated the fact that I couldn’t paint in apartment and dorm living. I mean, I could have, but I would have been forced to paint it back to the sterile white color or lose my security deposits. In my house, I’ve been able to paint almost every room and invest in art that reflects my personality and gives me pride.

But of course, buying a home isn’t right for everyone, and a first-time buyer should be prepared for some serious work ahead. Stay tuned for a post that discusses challenges twenty-somethings will have to face if they want to buy a home.

April 28, 2008 | Filed Under Balling on a Budget, Blog

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Four tips for twenty-somethings to navigate the generation gap at work

Carter DuryeaI ran across this Chronicle of Philanthropy article, which discusses generation gap challenges in the non-profit workplace. As someone who has been the youngest person in every organization I’ve worked with, I can fully understand the challenges of balancing that gap.

The article reminded me of In Good Company, a 2004 film in which Topher Grace plays Carter Duryea, a naive, know-it-all twenty-something who flails in a job managing people twice his age.

In Good Company is one of my favorite movies (well worth renting or buying), and if you pay attention to the things Carter did wrong, you can learn some great lessons on how twenty-somethings can effectively handle being the NKOTB (New Kid on the Block) and use it to advance one’s career:

Enter with humility. From day one, be respectful and mannerable to all employees, no matter their rank or age and go out of your way to be nice to people. I carve time out of my day to have a conversation with each of my coworkers, and everyone in the office hears my Southern “How yall doing?” spoken to everyone I pass in our building. This shatters the stereotype of the young know-it-all punk and sets the tone for open conversation and friendships.

Build relationships with the veterans. When I took my first political job, I befriended the woman whose office was next door. She was the longest-serving employee, having served at least 7 years more than both the CEO and CFO, and had the largest state-wide network of anyone there. She not only gave me great insight into the business, but she also became my mentor, giving me valuable career and personal advice, standing up for me when a bully attacked, and giving me references. Although I moved on from that job, she and I still keep in touch.

Seek institutional knowledge. Ask the people who have been at your organization for a while to give you context on the organization’s history and current problems. Not only will you better understand the issues facing the organization, you’ll almost always learn some lessons and potential pitfalls you wouldn’t otherwise see. Plus, it helps with relationship building.

Be helpful outside of your job responsibilities. You can easily win friends and influence your older coworkers by being of service to them. At one job, the staff was responsible for taking the trash outside to the curb three times a week, and I volunteered to lead trash duty each week. At my current job, one other coworker (who is 25 and really cool) and I have helped teach MS Excel and Publisher to veterans without much computer experience. It continues relationship building and developing an office brand of being helpful and a team player.

These tips have helped me navigate the generation gap in my career, and I hope it can help someone avoid making Carter Duryea’s mistakes.

April 9, 2008 | Filed Under Blog, Career, Education

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Beware of workplace bullies, especially if you’re a twenty-something

An article and blog post in yesterday’s NY Times health section brought up a topic that hit close to home: workplace bullying.

Young professionals should be very aware of these workplace problems because our age and eagerness can make us easy targets, and 37 percent of American workers have reported being bullied. I incurred the wrath of a bully for seven months in a previous job, and it took an extreme emotional toll.

Although it was a difficult time for me, I think I handled the situation well, and I’ll offer some tips on dealing with a workplace bully through telling my story. I was hired to work for a large organization, and three other staffers and I were placed under the immediate supervision of a difficult person.

Recognize the early warning signs. On my first day, my supervisor criticized the CEO for hiring me because of my age – “I don’t know why they hired an over-glorified intern who doesn’t know anything,” she said – and made a highly racist remark about me and my family. I knew then that a long battle was ahead. Within the first month, the supervisor demanded total control of my schedule and workload and took credit for all of my work.

Document inappropriate behavior. When I first went to complain to the HR department, it was dismissed as a personality conflict, and as a young professional, I was told that I “had to learn to get along with different people and respect my supervisor.”

Simply put, they didn’t believe me because I was young, and I learned that I had to provide proof of the problem. I began to keep a special “crazy” journal – locked away in a hidden folder on my jump drive – that detailed line-crossing behavior by the bully. It grew to five single-spaced pages.

Stay cool. No matter what my bullying supervisor said, I stayed calm and refused to raise my voice. I would disagree and express my objection to personal and inappropriate attacks, but I almost always did it calmly, regardless of her bellicose nature. I knew that if I stooped to her level, I ran the risk of being protrayed as the young trouble-maker in the office, helping her plan.

Find mentors in the organization. As Penelope Trunk says, mentors are important. I began to reach out to the CEO, CFO and other senior staffers, asking them to get lunch with me periodically and give me advice on how to be successful in my job. I was never negative about the bullying supervisor, but I shared the progress on my projects and clients. They soon began to understand my workload and contribution to the organization, and we developed relationships and trust.

Stand up for yourself. The attacks from the bully continued. For a while, I internalized it all, taking a toll on my home life. That changed one day when the bully belligerently yelled at me in front of other staffers. It was a deeply personal tirade that included some racist words, fingers in my face, chasing me down a hallway, job threats, and the parting words “you sorry SOB.” The embarrassment of being berated in front of colleagues in such a manner was the last straw.

The next day, I filed a hostile work environment complaint, gave the CEO a copy of my “crazy” journal, and said that I was prepared to leave the organization if the inappropriate behavior continued. The CEO realized that it was a grave situation and the documentation made it real. My job structure was changed so that I reported directly to the CEO and the supervisor was put on probation. The documentation and mentoring paid off because I stood up for myself.

Find allies among your coworkers. I made a point of building relationship with my other coworkers, who defended me against the bully’s gossip and talked favorably about me to the senior staff. Finding allies also uncovered fellow victims. One of the other twenty-somethings who reported to the bully finally confessed that she was the victim of similar attacks.

Do a good job. I knew that professional failures would only give the bully substantive fodder to attack. Once the senior staff knew what I was working on and once I reported directly to the CEO, I began to excel in the job. In fact, one of my clients presented me with an award at their annual gala. Plus, I got a glowing performance review from the senior staff.

The bully didn’t fare as well. The mounting complaints and lack of performance gave the senior staff no choice but to fire her seven months after her start date.

Consider finding a better situation. I outlasted the bully and enjoyed a lot of success after steps were taken to alleviate the situation. However, things don’t change for all people. If you’re stuck in a similar situation and things don’t change after frequent tactics or complaints, you should definitely consider looking for a better opportunity.

There’s plenty of stuff on the net about workplace bullying that can be found by simply using Google, but be sure the check out this report from the State of Washington and another from Pepperdine University.

March 26, 2008 | Filed Under Blog, Career

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